Where do I even begin? If you’ve been reading my blog as long as I had it, then you’ll know that I make mention of my boyfriend here and there. He was my boyfriend for the past 7 years and long story short, things came to a messy end about one week ago from the date of this post. I explained the entire thing in great detail on snapchat and I do have the video saved but tbh, I’m not sure if I’m going to re-share/upload it permanently- at least not now anyway. 

P.S. for some REAL life, be sure you’re keeping up with me @itsroxyjames on instagram – it’s my only social media where I share so much exclusive content. 

But what I will say is that I was cheated on throughout the most part of my relationship and I just finally had enough. I realized that I deserved more and I wanted a real man in my life. Someone who was down for me like I was down for them. Someone who wanted passion and excitement and most of all, someone who I could, most importantly, trust. 

What I am gonna talk about though are 10 ways to get over a messy breakup. The reason I’m stressing on “messy” is that mutual, civilized breakups are easier to deal with. On the other hand, if your breakup was really hurtful, it might be harder to get over. But no worries, I got you. 

NOTE: these are ways that I coped with my breakup. They may not work for everyone. However, if you have any tips to contribute, share in the comments below! 

1. Cry it out. 

I cried like I never cried before. The sobbing-can’t breathe-I-think-I’m-gonna-die cry. In the past, dealing with cheating rumours or hearing things no girlfriend wants to be hearing, I would just cry for like 5 minutes then suck it up, forgive & move on. When something however, is truly over, crying is so cathartic because you feel as if all the poison in your soul is gone. It isn’t about weakness. Now, I see it as having the strength to start the healing process. The first night of a breakup is usually the hardest because that’s when you feel the pain the most, but as clichéd as it sounds, with time, it’s going to get easier. 

2. Have a support system 

In any breakup, your friends/family become critical. Whether it be physically or emotionally, their support is so important. I remember throwing the fuck up all the time and I would just be laying on my bed, and all I had to say was, “Gonna throw up”. And she would get up, open my door, turn on the bathroom light and make sure I didn’t have to fumble in the dark to make it to the toilet. Then she would be waiting for me outside with some soda water and gravol. Simple things like having someone to talk too, making sure you drink water, buying meds for you. It honestly makes the healing process much easier. 

3. Medicate yourself 

Okay I do NOT say this lightly at all. But in all seriousness, there are gonna be days where your body is tired beyond the brink of recognition, but you still can’t sleep. Whenever you close your eyes, you might have nightmares and feel sick all over again. There will be headaches bordering on the point of migraines, and of course, not being able to eat at all because you keep throwing up. IKR this sounds so fucking dramatic and I never thought I would ever feel like this. But honestly, when someone you truly love hurts you so badly, I’ve read that emotional pain can sometimes manifest itself like that. If you think that you’re not able to cope properly, then I recommend sleeping pills,  Gravol and Excedrin. Melatonin is an amazing sleeping pill because it’s natural and safe for everyday use. I use this one but there’s also the option for gummies! But in severe cases, Sleep Aid from Kirkland will literally make you have the deepest sleep of your life and I feel like it’s more efficient than the Melatonin. 

If you’re throwing up and can’t keep anything down-including water- then you might become severely dehydrated. I suggest oral rehydration salts or anything with electrolytes.  

Disclaimer:  please take these with the advice of your pharmacist. This is my personal experience. Do not take medicine without the consultation of a healthcare professional. 

4. Say YES. 

Instead of crying and moping about like what was expected of me, I forced myself to just get off my bed every single day. To the gym, to a random drive to the beach. For drinks one night. Basically every time someone asked me to go out, I said yes. Saying yes even though I thought I felt like I didn’t want to do anything, helped me to regain some kind of normalcy and control in my life. The first few days of going out and getting dressed, doing my makeup and all that, were hard AF, but by the end of the week, I was doing it because I wanted too. It became fun again and exciting. It reminded me I could choose very single day to live and love and be happy again, despite what happened to me. 

5. Come to terms with it 

The hardest part of getting over anything in life- not only a breakup- is accepting that it happened. Yes, this is easier said than done but once you come to terms with what happened and why it happened, from there you can start moving on. This is the trickiest part. In my personal breakup experience, I finally had enough. I was constantly cheated on and humiliated for years. I knew in my heart that I would never trust him again and I finally realized that I could do better. I realized I deserved a real man. Someone who would see me every time he could. Someone who would respect me and be loyal to me. I wanted steamy hot passion and wild adventures and someone who valued my worth. Understanding what I truly wanted and deserved helped me accept that it happened and now I’m free to truly find myself and the life I want to live. 

6. Cut ties

Okay this was so much easier for me to do because I was always the type who never felt compelled to “stalk” social media to find out what my ex/someone is doing. Like it never was me and never will be. Honestly, looking back that clearly was a mistake with my ex because maybe if I was more alert I would have noticed that something wasn’t right. Actually, you know what? Fuck that. I shouldn’t have to be babysitting anyone or stalking or trying to find out wtf you doing when I’m not there. That’s so pathetic and annoying. (Soooo it’s super clear I’m gonna have trust issues & paranoia in the future but whatever). 

At 12:00 am when my ex didn’t reply to me or try to fix the situation he caused, that was it for me. I blocked his number from my phone and unfollowed him across all social media. I can swear on my life, that to this day, I have not tried to find out anything about him or see what he was up too. I know it’s so much harder for other people to completely cut ties, but ask yourself: do you really want to upset yourself? why is it so important to know what he/she is up too? 

Understand why you’re “stalking” and if it makes you any happier- I’m sure the answer will almost always be NO. If someone is  your past, leave it and let it be. You will honestly get nothing from torturing yourself like that. I guess it’s human nature to want to know, but you’re not an animal so believe me, if you try hard enough, you can fight it. 

7. Love yourself & your life

When a relationship ends- especially a longggg one, you have the usual questions: what now? who will I be with? will I be happy again? Trust me- I know. I was with my ex for 7 years- almost a decade of my life. I thought that this was IT. I could imagine being his wife, I could imagine with our kids would have looked liked, building a life of memories… and in a few hours, all of that was smashed to pieces. 

However, I slowly got over my anger, pain, grief and frustration because of steps 1-6, and I have realized that the world is a very big place, ya know? Remember that he’s not the only guy in the world. Sure, he may be your first love…but I believe in having many great loves in a lifetime. 

You will be happy again and you will love again. It might not be the day, month, or year after. But if you fall in love with yourself and your life again, it becomes easier to realize that everything happens for a reason, and once you let go, you never know who might just walk into your life. 

Start finding happiness in everyday things. Focus on yourself. Go out. Find a new hobby. Take a fun class. Go out and start living your life. I promise that by learning to love yourself and your life, it will make the healing process so much easier. 

Don’t forget to share any tips that you with have with getting over a breakup!