Okay so I realized that my blog has become somewhat dating oriented but HEAR ME OUT. My blog tends to be a reflection of myself and what I’m going through in life. Since my recent breakup, I’ve been so inspired to write these kinds of posts- especially when I know it can help someone. I figured why the fuck not since it’s my blog and I could post whatever content I feel like. Think of me as the big sister you always wanted because not only do I give #zerofucks but I’m also pretty open, down to earth and real AF.
P.S. for some REAL life, be sure you’re keeping up with me @itsroxyjames on instagram – it’s my only social media where I share so much exclusive content.
So finally now onto what this actual post is about: identifying cheating behaviours. OKAY so I know I’m not an expert, but looking back on my (now over) 7 year relationship, there were HUGE red flags that my ex was cheating on me. I’m just sharing what I observed and so foolishly ignored.
Honestly, I refused to believe that he was capable of fucking around with someone else (YUCK) and I truly believed the best in him. To say that I was in love with him was an understatement and my love and trust in him completely blindsided me. But anywayyyyy, these are some things that I should have called him out on to save myself a few years of humiliation and heartbreak.
TRUST me, I know that you always want to believe the best of someone, but sometimes- if not always-, actions speak a lot louder than words.
1. Sudden withdrawal & lack of communication
If someone is always messaging and talking to you, and suddenly stops- it’s not a coincidence. Something is up. Chances are if you ask a simple question like “how was your day,” you’ll get a half-assed answer compared to past times where he/she would give great detail. Most of the times this withdrawal comes from the fact that they are filling that void by talking someone else. By the time you message, they already told someone in great detail, every single thing they did for that day so now, they won’t want to repeat themselves to you.
2. Mood swings- highs and lows
Depending on how the other relationship is going, cheaters usually display strong mood swings. They may either lash out at you or be kind and caring. Unless someone develops bipolar disorder overnight (obviously very unlikely), something is most likely going on. They may blame it on work or family, but if the reasons are NOT consistent, then you should be aware of other signs of cheating. I got a lot of shit excuses from my ex and they changed up routinely because he couldn’t decide on which one to use because obviously, the real reason was that there was someone else- but he just couldn’t say that right?
3. Overcompensation
This is where your significant other may suddenly start to gift you with lavish items. If this was not something that would always happen in your relationship, you should probably take note. I would like forever to believe that boyfriends are capable of being sweethearts all the time, but sudden extreme displays of affection- not only materialistic but also emotional/attention wise- can be a result of one thing and one thing alone: guilt.
4. Airplane mode
My ex once told me that his phone was on airplane mode for date night and stupid me was like, “awww that’s so cute you don’t want anyone to disturb us”. Can someone cue the fucking cricket chirping noise. Let’s be real, no normal person with nothing to hide, will just have their phone on airplane mode around their significant other. Obviously it’s so that the other person won’t slip up and call/message. Airplane mode is as extreme as you can get if you’re doing shit at the side.
5. Fear of Passwords
I was never ever someone who was into digging up dirt. I never checked his Facebook account, wanted to go through his phone- literally nothing. So the odd random times that I wanted his password for his laptop when I innocently wanted to watch a YouTube video, he would legit start acting shady and typing it in himself. Basically making it obvious that he wasn’t going to give me his password. Same goes for his phone. I know some girlfriends would have gone crazyyyyyy but like I just don’t have it in my soul to act like that, so I let it slide. If you really have nothing to hide, then it should’t be a big deal with give your significant other (S.O.) your passwords.
6. Defensiveness bordering on aggression
My ex tripped off one day when my sister sent me a pic of him in a club with a girl with her hands around him. When I brought it up, he went crazy and deleted my best friends from Facebook and blocked her. Extreme ikr. There was always a tendency to become extremely aggressive when I confronted him with the 6157932759019 cheating allegations. He would get so upset to the point where he was more upset than I was (Fact: something that led to me finally deciding to get him out of my life). Ummmm if someone can’t stay cool, calm and collected while answering simple questions, then you should question where that attitude problem is coming from.
7. Change in behaviour
Did your S.O. suddenly develop a new hobby without telling you? Drinking and clubbing more? Going out more than usual aka continuously without a break? I would always let my ex go out. I never ever controlled him or questioned where he was going. When he developed a new habit of practically living in a club, I would just be like “have fun,” “stay safe”. Clubbing was never my thing anyway so it never phased me that he wanted to be there and apparently (now I found out) get disgustingly drunk. Keep in mind that he was never like this when I met him so I should have payed more attention? Turns out that the side thing‘s entire existence was (and still is) centered around clubbing, smoking (EWWWWWW) and drinking so that became their new “thing”.
8. Pushes you to the brink of breaking up
When someone is not man enough (brave enough) to breakup with you, they’ll start to mistreat you in an attempt for you to reach a breaking point, in hopes that you’ll break up with them. #COWARD Basically this might be manifested through behaviours identified in points 1-7. Just remember PLEASE, that anyone who truly loves you, will never want to put you through any kind of pain. Be aware when someone is trying really hard to push you over the edge.
9. People are talking
If there are whispers about cheating and people coming to you to tell you that your S.O. is cheating- pay attention. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Rumors are always sparked by something. A random sighting with someone else, a picture/video, a friend telling a friend. Something. In my case, being a public figure, I’m always having to deal with haters (some people were disgustingly aggressive when they approached me) so I could never have trusted what people were saying. But if 3-4 different people are telling you something, then you should start paying attention. Do your research. Find out more. If I had done this in 2015, I wouldn’t have wasted 2 more years with an asshole someone clearly undeserving of me.
OMG I almost forgot, if someone gives you a name of the person your S.O. is “with”, check them out on social media. This side thing was blatantly tweeting for YEARS, about my (ex) man. I have numerous screenshots where she is PROUD (yes proud as can be) because she wants “RANK” for being with “my man”, for “four years”. IKR, the things people are proud of in life is astonishing. But I mean I expect that from someone who isn’t accomplished in anything else really.
10. Instinct
Your gut. Women’s intuition. A prickly feeling. Uneasiness. Call it whatever you want. Deep down, you always know when something just isn’t right in your relationship. I had that sick feeling in my stomach since 2013/2014, but he got better at the hiding his bs, so eventually that feeling faded dully into the background. Little did I know that it would always come back like a monster for the next 3 years, when every year, I was confronted by someone telling me he was cheating. #VOMITS Listen to that feeling if you ever get it. Chances are you aren’t far from the truth. The only thing though, is would you listen?
Have you ever been cheated on? Did you identify with any of these signs? Lemme know below!
Disclaimer: I am not claiming to be a cheating expert. These are just red flags that were in my relationship. There may be like a hundred more signs (cheaters are psychotic I strongly believe) and some signs I have here may not be true for all persons. These are based on my personal experience.
Imran says
1,2,3,4,7,
❤️